I had a sad realisation the other day.
I'm due to feature my VBAC birth story in a magazine article and they required a photo of me and J. I had the perfect photo but as it has been taken on Ian's phone and then sent to me by text, it was too small. I asked Ian to send me the original photo but he kept forgetting so the writer suggested sending a different photo as long as it was within the first two weeks of J's life.
Only, I don't have any.
Nobody ever takes photos of me with my children.
I have thousands of photos of my children and I have many snaps of them with Ian, with grandparents, with other family members and with friends. But the number of photos I have of me with my children - that are not selfies - barely makes it into double digits.
I have two photos from N's birth - or at least on the recovery ward after. A photo on his first Christmas, a photo on my birthday when he is 5 months old and a photo when he is about 8 months old at the lavender farm - but it's awful, rushed and unflattering. A photo on his second Christmas when he is 13 months old. Then a handful of photos from our trip to Bluestone a few months ago - he was 2 years 8 months old!
From J's birth I have two photos, I have a photo from my birthday this year and then I have a photo from the lavender farm last month.
So I have about ten photos of me and N and four photos of me and J. I could cry!
I often take photos of Ian with the children. When people came to visit N when he was born, they would take photos of him, photos of themselves with him, but no photos of me with him. The same thing happened with J. I have so many pictures of other people with my children but only 14 photos of myself with them. It makes me so sad!
I want to be able to look back in years to come and show my children photos of us. Proper photos. Not selfies, because I am useless at them and anyway they don't capture a memory. Not really. I want to show them what I looked like, because I know I’m changing over the years too. I want them to see how I played, laughed, cuddled and held them.
So how do I solve this? I know there is no point asking Ian to take photos of us because he is too busy. Instead I'm going to try to just ask people to take photos of us. Like a tourist! If we're out somewhere with friends I'll ask them to take a photo of us. I did this at the lavender farm last month and now have a lovely photo of me with J. I didn't get one with N because he was in stubborn toddler mode but hopefully I'll get one soon.
I'm also going to start taking a photo of me with the boys each month myself using the self-timer on my camera. Like the one above. Nothing fancy, just us sitting on the sofa or the bed or the floor. My children are changing so quickly and growing so fast that I can't miss any photo opportunities.
I've already missed so many.
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I totally relate to this, and it's something I wish people would think more of - especially on special occasions, and births in particular! Jon has it lectured into him at births to take photos with me in them, but other times if I dont set the timer myself and do it then I`m not in them and its upsetting as I`d just love some natural non posed captures of our time together but its always me behind the camera.
ReplyDeleteDo you join in with the Me and Mine or Mummy and Me linkies? I find them help keep me motivated to keep getting shots! Great post Sian xx
It is so tough. I found I had the same problem, so last November I started a parent selfie linky called #monthlymondaymelfie. It's the first Monday of the month. You should join in. It has made me take more pics of me with the kids.
ReplyDeleteOmg I am totally bringing my camera on Thursday then!! xxxx
ReplyDeleteI know this feeling. Self timers and tripods - great inventions, and kids find it really funny to see you rushing back so you'll get great photos!
ReplyDeleteI have 1 photo of me post cs with N when we got back to see the OH in the delivery room. It's done on my old mobile by the OH, which meant it's so blurry you can't actually make out that it's me with a baby. Then a couple of photos my mum took in our house with N on our first day back home. The rest are all pretty much selfies apart from one that a pro photographer took when we went for some photos of N.
The one we don't have is a family photo, and there's no nice one of N with his dad (he hates photos, and won't let me take any of him, so they're just snatched ones, usually with bad lighting). I tell a lie - we have 1 very blurry mobile phone photo taken by a friend in Pizza Hut - can't tell it's really us, and one on holiday of N and the OH walking on the beach with me photobombing it. The OH just won't have photos taken which makes me sad. It makes me feel like he's not part of the family, and having had my dad die when I was 3, I only have 1 photo of him, me and my mum to look back at. I don't want N to not have a family photo to remember.
I feel you! I realised this the other month so I'm making sure my mum and I have plenty of photos together now! :)
ReplyDeleteI so relate to this... I constantly badger my husband to take pictures of me, and it takes ages that I get anything out of it. Hopefully some family members of yours will read this post and volunteer to take some pics of you and your little ones on the next outing!
ReplyDeleteAwww, I'm sure many people are the same. I remember taking constant photos of my daughter when she was born and a baby and then when my son come along I stopped taking so many photos, mainly due to being a mum of two and I just kind of stopped. It's sad but at least you can begin taking more photos :)
ReplyDelete#picknmix
Gemma xx
This is my life. I'm always the one taking pictures! You are right to rectify the situation & I'm going to do what you are doing & take a monthly photo of me with the kids. Great idea! #picknmix x
ReplyDeleteThanks for the reminder. I'm constantly taking pictures of my baby but I'm not in any of them.
ReplyDeleteI can so relate to this. I have barely any with my daughter and none for the first 3 weeks of her life (the first was a selfie!). My blog is helping to encourage my partner to take pictures of me and Evie. But there are still only about 5 in existence where we're both stood actually looking at the camera. The rest are all action shots, but I guess are better than nothing. I think asking people is a brilliant idea. I think I might take that on from now on too. xx #picknmix
ReplyDeleteThe same for me and so many other mums I think! I'm always behind the camera, though Si has taken a few I love with the boys and me my photos of me with them as babies probably number around 2...I do feel a little sad about that!
ReplyDeleteThanks for linking up to #Picknmix
Stevie x
The same for me and so many other mums I think! I'm always behind the camera, though Si has taken a few I love with the boys and me my photos of me with them as babies probably number around 2...I do feel a little sad about that!
ReplyDeleteThanks for linking up to #Picknmix
Stevie x
Oh this is so sad. I have to ask people to take photos of me with the kids and then they always look super posed. I love capturing moments of people on camera and don't have anyone doing that for me. Sorry don't have a solution but I know how you feel #PickNMix
ReplyDeleteI know that feeling, nobody took a picture of me with Taylor in hospital when he was born. I took pictures of everyone with him. I have 1 very poor blurred picture form when I asked Phills mum to take one for us. :( xx
ReplyDeleteExactly the same here! You aren't alone in the lack of photo evidence. In our house it is me that photo documents everything, so unless I make a point of asking I get missed out. I love a selfie with the kids though, and as they're getting older they're really getting into them too, minus the pout sometimes.....
ReplyDeleteI am the same, I am in about 3 photos with my daughter and she is 2 and a half. And I think there are 2 photos which have my husband, my daughter and myself in. It's really pants considering how many photos I take! I really love your idea of taking photos regularly - they will be so lovely to look back on
ReplyDeleteI have this except mine is with me and my cats. I take photos of them, photos of them with other people but there are very few where I'm in the photos with them. I may have to try the tripod and timer with them.
ReplyDeleteI have this problem also, I'm not with my boys dad anymore so it's so hard trying to get a photo of all 3 of us. I've thought about buying myself a tripod for my camera (or phone should I say) they are quite cheap from eBay so there's a little idea for you.
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