After the Birth

After Baby N was finally born, I was wheeled out onto the recovery ward. Still feeling a little spaced out, I remember the Mister being on my left and Baby N on my right. A nurse passed my naked little bundle of joy over to me, wrapped in a couple of bloody towels, so we could have some skin-to-skin and try to breastfeed him. Skin-to-skin is important for bonding, it can also help stimulate milk supply, it makes the baby feel reassured, and it just feels wonderful.

I snuggled my little boy into my chest and just stared at him. The nurse tried to help me get him to latch on for a feed but he was having none of it, he was so sleepy. Who could blame him after THAT birth experience! So I settled for a good cuddle instead.

It wasn’t long before the nurse said he had to be taken away to the Special Care Baby Unit because his blood tests were showing some abnormalities. The Mister put a vest and a sleepsuit on Baby N and went with him to SCBU. I was quite happy with this, I thought they were just going to check him over and then bring him back so I could have my toast and drink and have a little nap before they brought him back. The pain had started to kick in so I had some paracetamol then some morphine.

Baby N didn’t come back to me. I was taken up to the ward without him. A ward with mothers and their babies. But no baby for me. I lay there waiting for my baby to be brought in. I finally went to sleep at around 6am, holding on to the thought that my baby would be next to me when I woke.

Well, he wasn’t there when I woke. And he didn’t come all day. The Mister told me that Baby N’s blood sugar levels were low so he was on a dextrose drip and he was being bottle fed because I obviously wasn’t there and I couldn’t get to him because I couldn’t move after the c-section. I didn’t get to see him until almost exactly 24 hours after his birth. Dosed up on all the painkillers I could get The Mister helped me get out of bed. It was sheer agony and I felt like my abdomen was going to split open. He took me down to SCBU in a wheelchair and I got to meet my little boy again. But then I had to go back to the ward while he stayed on SCBU.

The next day the ward doctor came round to discharge all the ladies on transitional care, including me. Excitedly I asked if that meant my baby too, only to be told no! They expected me to go home without my baby. I didn’t even know why he was on SCBU still, as his blood sugar levels were now normal. No one would or could tell me anything. One of the doctors who performed my c-section came to see how I was and I just sat there sobbing. He kindly said he would find out what was going on. Baby N’s blood tests at birth had shown he had too much CO2, his CRP test showed inflammation and/or infection so he was being tested for infection whilst being given anti-biotics intravenously, and he was breathing too quickly. He was also slightly jaundiced but not enough to need treatment.

I was determined to be the one that fed and changed him, rather than the nurses, so once I was mobile every 3 hours I would express whatever milk I could, go to SCBU, change Baby N’s nappy, attempt to breastfeed him, then feed him a bottle of the expressed milk topped up with formula. I would then wind him, settle him back in his cot and go back to the ward to express again ready for the next feed. The Sister on SCBU had watched me coming down every 3 hours and finally, 3 days after he was born, she said he could come to the ward with me. He would still be under special care, but the nurses would come to me to do his obs and they would just take him away for blood tests and anti-biotics then bring him back.

That night I took care of Baby N all by myself, with no nurses peering over my shoulder, I revelled in it. I was finally being allowed to be his Mum. I didn’t sleep all night, I just watched him. I was so proud of him when he latched on at 4.30am and I was able to breastfeed him. My clever boy had learnt what he needed to do. I finally went to sleep around 8am, when everyone else was waking up for breakfast. I was so exhausted that when the special care nurse came to do his obs I slept through the whole thing!

That day I got the results of Baby N’s latest blood test, there were no more signs of infection/inflammation and as he was now breathing and feeding well we would be allowed to go home. I cried packing my bags, I cried getting him ready, I cried all the way home. I had been in hospital for 6 days and it had felt like a lifetime.

We were finally going home to start our life as a little family.